Well happy Friday everyone! I know that I have been fairly quiet lately with only posting my weekly To Do lists on Monday, but now that the semester is finally underway and I’m getting back into my routine, time management is becoming easier so that means more blog time. The first thing that normally gets cut from my schedule when I’m under more time constraints is my internet time. So I thought I would take some time to process something I have been thinking about quite a bit lately.
If you got a chance to read my post on Monday you may have noticed that I mentioned that in the past 3 years I have lost a little over 60% of my total body weight. When I watched the last episode of last season’s Biggest Loser I was curious about what my total weight loss percentage was so I ran my numbers. Yeah I admit it I watch Biggest Loser, and yeah I have my issues with it at times, but I still find it motivational. I have watched every season and likely will continue until the show is no longer on TV. I have found I watch it from a very different point of view than I did when I watched it when it started. One of these days I’ll post about how my point of view has changed as I have changed my own health status.
Anyway, when the 60% came up it really took me by surprise. I mean, yeah I knew I had lost quite a bit of weight, but since my focus was more on health than strictly weight loss it took me by surprise to see that number. If anyone would have told me before I began I would loose 60% of my total body weight I would have told them they were out of their freakin minds! So since then I have been feeling a bit overwhelmed with a lot of feelings and thoughts related to it, which when that happens I know it means it’s time to process through them. So, I figured now that I have a blog about health and fitness what a perfect place to process.
A thought that ran through my mind almost immediately was that I had to have done the math wrong. But nope, I repeated the calculation and I was right the first time. So why did I dismiss the number initially as a mistake? I thought about that question for a bit. It’s because I have trouble giving myself credit for my accomplishments and loosing that much weight and all of the better health I have gained through the process is totally a huge accomplishment. I have always been really hard on myself and have battled with this issue pretty much my whole life. I have to say I have made progress because not only can I identify when I’m being too hard on myself, I can give myself credit once I do. My hope is one day I’ll get to the point where I just give myself the credit without the whole dismissing the accomplishment first part.
I had a few sad moments related to thinking about the 60% loss. Actually, to be honest I was in a funk for a couple days. And at one point, I even broke down and shed a few tears. So why did I get sad? I got sad because I thought about all of the lost years, the lost experiences, and all the moments I felt trapped by all that weight and health issues I had because of it. I went through this whole thought process of well if I was able to do this why the heck didn’t I do it a lot sooner or why didn’t I do something about it before I got to the point I did. Luckily, I was able to break out of that negative thinking and was able to get positive about it. I recognize that I didn’t do it sooner or before I got to the point I did because I wasn’t ready to take on that kind of change. I fully admit that food for me during all of those years was my drug of choice. Food was my coping mechanism for handling my emotions both to current events in my life and those related to past traumatic events. The extra weight that I was carrying was my safety wall I had built to protect myself from being hurt and my way of isolating myself from the world. Also, to break the negative thinking pattern, I starting to focus on all of the great experiences I have had since bettering my health and also of all of the possible future experiences to come because I am healthy now. And finally to break out of my funk I thought about how I hope to use my experience to help others on their journey to better health. I already know that my journey had helped others already because I have several people who have heard or seen my transformation seeking me out for information and support.
During the past few weeks I also shared the fact I lost 60% of my body weight with some people I know. The best compliment was from someone I work with, which was I don’t even remember you being that heavy. I know she wasn’t just saying that to be nice, I know she really meant that. How crazy is that? When I started my current job I was a little lighter than I was at my heaviest weight. I put on about 20lbs in the first few months of working here to take me to my heaviest of 248.5lbs. I was here 5 months before I began my journey. After this conversation with this co-worker, I then realized that a large majority of the students I oversee never knew the morbid obese version of me and that more than half of them have only known the healthy me. A large portion of my students are first years meaning they just met me this August. Because of the nature of my job includes me living in the community with my students, my life can have a role modeling effect of some of them, and how great was it for me to realize that I am portraying myself as a healthy living role model.
Ok so now that I have spent time writing about this I’m already feeling less overwhelmed and a whole heck of a lot better. Ah the power of processing feelings! How awesome is that. Well thanks for reading through my processing of my feelings. Hope you all have a great weekend! See you on Monday with my next To Do list post!
Quote of the Day: "One important key to success is self confidence. An important key to self confidence is preparation." ~ Arthur Ashe